In American/Western culture, the degree to which we are left to fend for ourselves is extreme. We’re used to it and depending on our class status, the functionality of our family of origins, the intrinsic hardiness of our personal constitutions, etc. and etc., we'll be more or less aware of this cultural demand for self-sufficiency and the deep cost to our wellbeing. 

 

The conditions of thriving for humans live inside ecosystems of interdependency and diversity, and in this culture we have lost our way around being in deep care for and with each other. That isn't to say we've lost access to our hearts, we love our dear ones deeply. But the actual skills of the kind of care we need, in real time on the ground in small and big ways, are largely lost to us. 

 

Western therapy has unfortunately entrenched “not my responsibility” even more deeply into our individualism saturated psyches. We can now stand confidently in our positions of, “not my problem,” “those are your feelings not mine, “not mine/that's yours, good luck” and all manner of cruelty sanctioned by our therapy-informed boundaries. Being willing to really care for others is inconvenient. Receiving care from others can feel almost too vulnerable to bear. The functional ones among us generally carry on with their intact lives feeling vaguely sad and in and out of a deep loneliness. The struggling ones among us are looked down upon with disdain and a shrug and are suffering beyond our imaginations. 

 

Gen Z is a little bit famous for their communal focus, and to varying degrees, they have tracks laid for what it means to orient to being in real responsibility for each other. This is a central focus in the work we do together. What does it look like to do a breakup communally? If it’s your bestie going through it and you’re tired, how do you pivot out of one-on-one space and into the group so that you and your bestie have access to more resource? If you’re lucky and are pretty ok, as in stable and steady enough to keep yourself and your life moving along, how do you bridge to more resource for those that can't for any and all reasons? 

 

This way of taking care is the future. You see us adults rise to the occasion of it in cases of crisis and survival, dropping whatever differences we thought were important and/or dealbreakers and returning to fundamentals.

 

It's in our bones to be this way with each other.